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It's Not Technology, It's Us

Lately, I've been hearing a lot about how technology has been changing our generation today in how we view human beings' actions and more specifically how we view our relationships. It blows my mind that the average kid's favorite toy is their iPad or better yet their iPhone to play games and text their friends. How is it that kids aren't satisfied with playing outside with a soccer ball or dressing up barbies?

Not only has the hyper use of technology changed the way we deal with human intricacies, but it has extended beyond adulthood, affecting the lives of children from a very young age. Ever since the invention of the first dating app, I used to think that our understanding and hope for love was doomed. Men and women would begin to hide behind their phones and be OK with it. But in reality, it's not the technology or dating apps that is ruining our potential of love, it's us.

It is typical for us to complain about how our love life is being ruined by these dating apps and how people can't meet other people organically. Whatever happened to that knock-you-off-your-feet, fireworks-in-the-distance movie kind of love? The true kind of love where you would be swept off of your feet? News flash, it doesn't exist. It doesn’t exist because A. We’re not Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and The City and B. We don't allow for it to exist.

Our generation is full of go-getters. Full of goal-oriented, attentive people who want to get ahead and better themselves. For lack of a better term, our generation is selfish. This goes for both men and women. Today's generation of men are working on themselves as single beings. They're progressing in their careers, learning to eat dinner without mom or Seamless, and posting gym-selfies to combat the dad-bod they've developed post team sports.This is why men and women tend to get together later in life. Women, on the other hand, are also at fault. We’re doing much of the same while also becoming more and more independent and preaching about how we don't need a man which may be viewed as intimidating. Why are we like this?

We say that we want love and we want someone to be that special person in our lives but we dread going on first dates and opt to stay at home eating pizza. We have pow wow sessions over unlimited glasses of wine with our girlfriends about a new guy we matched with but are too afraid to make the first move. In reality, we aren't trying because we are too afraid.

We blame every single thing for why modern love isn't working out for us but ourselves. It's not the technology or dating apps, it's how we’ve allowed it to make us timid, anti-social human beings. We would rather communicate behind our phones because it's easier than meeting up in person. Since when is this supposed to be easy? We, of any generation, should know that everything good you have to work for. We long so hard to meet that special person in a blink of an eye-- we are eager for that quick fix. Someone that will hold us all night, say the right things at the right times, and do the right things. We are longing for our person, but refuse to go out and find that person Since we grew up on fairytales and rom-coms, let’s reference the more realistic story--you got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince.

When it comes to breakups we find it easier to just disappear into thin air and "ghost" someone because we don't want to offend them our hurt their feelings. Or, more likely we don’t want to make more work for ourselves whilst feeling bad about breaking the news. Well friends, that’s life. Again, it’s not supposed be easy. But instead, we are so skeptical of our own reality that we block it out, making it impossible for us to fall in love. Do we really want love or is this just a cry to give up?

We say we want love, but are too afraid to open up and show our true feelings, because we are too embarrassed and don't want to feel vulnerable. This is the problem. We need to stop. Stop being afraid and start making moves. We need to start trying-- start trying to put ourselves out there and going on dates. We need to start talking to people just so we can connect and actually feel something. Maybe we won't even like them and that's totally fine. That's the beauty of dating, to sift through people to find someone that we actually connect with on a deeper level. Someone who knows our coffee order BUT also knows our insecurities. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable around another person is a pillar of what holds life all together. These walls we build are just shielding us from making connections and thus creating strong, lasting relationships.

Start thinking about what you deserve and what you want and go after it. It’s that simple. If you get rejected then hey so be it -- it shouldn’t be an excuse to give up but a motivation to keep going. We need to stop blaming technology and start taking action. So practice self love and practice opening yourself up, because we all deserve love and it’s about time we experience it.

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