Dating in this modern world is summed up in one word: v difficult ( or two words in RaeChow language). Most people seem to wrap themselves in this notion that we need to play games in order for someone to notice us or to stay intrigued. If you think about it, most people categorize dating as a game of who can play it better. Who can wait longer to text back or who can come off as not caring most--because playing “hard to get” is apparently what wins people over. Let me tell you: Ain’t nobody got time for that, especially when there are hundreds of fishes in the sea and you need to pick just one in time for Thanksgiving Dinner.
Like any twenty-something-year-old in this day and age, I decided to download one of the many dating apps. Honestly, no shame in that game because if you aren’t on one you’re considered an outcast. Obviously meeting someone “organically” when you are out or through friends is the kosher way to do it, but I live in New York City and there are just too many damn people who would rather drop a line behind their phone than at the bar.
Through my interactions on the app, I’ve learned so much about what I like, what I am looking for, and more importantly why first impressions and your digital footprint is SO important. And ya know, I met some cool people I suppose...
Keeping the above in mind, it is crucial for you guys to think about what you put on your profiles. This includes everything from what you say and how you say things, to what type of pictures you are putting up. Of course girls have to be conscious as well but this is a post about you guys so let's stick with that. Hear me out.
If you are a guy and are swiping on one of these apps and come across a profile of a woman who you find attractive and she seems like she has her shit together, you swipe right. Plain and simple right? A couple of hours later you get notification that IT'S A MATCH-- score. But now comes the hard part, what the hell do you say? There is so much involved in the first message because honestly there are probably at least 10 other guys messaging the woman of your dreams, so you better be dropping a damn good line.
So now that we’ve agreed that the first line can essentially make or break if this entire potential relationship, a.k.a if she answers you, it is crucial that this line is a mixture of sexy/cool/interesting/relevant….etc. Personally, I gravitate towards guys who drop a witty/clever line. Enough for me to think “oh wow, that’s good.”
So here are five things to keep in mind when you are talking to someone on a dating app:
Say something more than “Hey, How are you?”- because honestly what do you expect us to say back? Hey, good and you? #snooze. Try something that's relevant to her pictures or bio. You’ll come off a hell of lot more interesting and she’ll prob notice that you actually took the time to look through her pictures and bio.
Are you going to just leave us on hold here? *Match ends in 2 hours*- Of course there aren’t any rules to whether a guy or girl should be initiating conversation and quite honestly I think most women should initiate... however, I’m not like most woman ( hah). Let me break it down for you, most women like to be pursued, they like when guys *swoon* them and leave them *smitten*. Have you ever watched a romantic comedy? C’mon, try and keep up here.
Get her number already- Historically, and when I say historically, I mean amongst my friends, guys take F O R E V E R to ask for a girls number if they even ask at all. No one is trying to just chat on this app anyway, so take the initiative and ask for her number bc you’ll probably want to text her instead of opening the glitchy app to see if she answered your message. Dating apps are for streamlining the dating process, emphasis on the ‘dating’ portion of that. So, cut the crap and focus on less app time and more dating.
Let’s get on with the first date- If you made it to getting her number - props, now finish the deal and plan a date. No one,and I mean no one wants a pen pal or someone to just text during the day without meeting. If you don’t have any intentions of ever meeting this person you matched, small talked and exchanged numbers with, then what are you doing on this app anyway?
Don’t lie about stupid things- A friend once told me she had a guy tell her that he lives in an apartment with two friends and then the next thing she knows on their date he's telling her how he lives at home. Honestly, we don’t care but we remember those inconsistencies and if you can’t even tell the truth of something little in the beginning of a relationships you’re just setting yourself up for failure in the future.
I also decided to include some tips from my favorite gal pals…
“Not everyone on a dating app is looking for a casual hookup. Some people want to foster a real relationship with someone. If your end game is hooking up make sure that is clear to the girl and you’re on the same page. Don’t waste each other’s time by taking her out and throwing a hissy fit when you ask her to go back to your place and she declines. (Personally if I would so easily have sex with strangers, I wouldn’t be doing it for free”- 24 year old, Long Island
“First off, STOP uploading photos of you with hot chicks in bikinis. No one wants to see a potential partner smothered by slutty girls. Second, it’s great that you seem to be living at the gym, I totally support your healthy life choices, but no one needs to see a bunch of topless bathroom selfies. Some things are just better seen in person. Lastly, everyone can look great even at their worst with sunglasses on. But they'll have to come off at some point. Don't show me pictures of you wearing your shades in every photo.”- 26 yr old, Brooklyn
“Your sarcasm and witty banter attempts rarely translate”- 25 yr old, Upper East Side
“Guys needing to know that girls have a million group chats going on at once and we love to share. You should keep that in mind when talking to multiple girls off dating apps because I once had 2 friends talking to the same guy from Bumble and they realized via group chat that he was sending them both unwarranted dick pics, no thanks”- 28 yr old, Astoria
“Don't give a girl your number and tell her to text you. You should ask for her number and if she wants you to text her then she'll do it”- 25 yr old, Tribeca
In the end, the dating world typically takes some work. You’ll need to put in a good amount of effort at the beginning, and while that can suck, the girls typically have it way worse down the line in the relationship. You need to set the stage, we’ll take care of the rest. Even if you follow the guidelines above that doesn’t necessarily mean you will win the girl, but it’ll probably help. It all comes down to the chemistry that you either do or don’t have with that person. Take your time with dating, trust me we don’t know what the hell we are doing half the time either--hey look you have something in common with your latest match after all.
PS: Hear me ramble more about my NYC living on my good friend Justin Buddy Love's new podcast "How to Survive in the City"